Hard to restart

To restar with dieting is a LOT harder than what I had thought. I have no drive towards imputting calories in Spark People and shy away from reading my favourite dieting blogs because I am in fear of feeling like a total looser: everybody else is managing, but I am not.

60.8 kg this morning. Buhhuuuu....

So is this an all negative post? No it is not. Yesterday was my mom's birthday and today is the sad one year anniversary of her first and most violent amnesia attack.

Yet, yesterday we both got a BIG surprise: I was contacted by a glamourous fashion magazine to contribute to their publication. OMG!!!!

I am so jaded because I did not even apply! I did not even try! Instead, they came to me! The editor read my entries on an online magazine about art + lifestlyle and loved my stuff. These were her exact words.

Ok, new motivation to diet now! Fashion world means thin people: I know because I have worked there already...

TODAY'S FOOD
-200 grams of letture
-3 or 4 long tomatoes
-2 t flax meal
-3 t capers
-1 t mustard
-2 t balsamic vinegar

New goals

Yesterday went well! Most goals met! But there is one more I want to add in:
Restart tracking my food online!
Otherwise I just loose all bounds!

More tomorrow. Hugs!

A bit scared...

To start over that is... I am a bit messed up with the rest of my life (in random order, I should have moved for good, but things turned out REALLY bad with the lease of the new flat, which was snatched under my fingers at the last moment due to an unreliable owner, my stuff sort of got stranded between countries when I had nowhere to place it, we moved it back once again, while I stayed over 2 weeks trying to fix things but then it was just too late. Second attempt forthcoming. Alleluja. My mom had another amnesia attack: her last one was one year ago. We are back to the neurologist once again: all sort of medical tests upcoming. My dog is not in very good health still...).

I am scared to have too little motivation and dedication to diet. Yet, I really want to do it. Yesterday I was out with Fran and she told me she did not like the fat rolls coming out from my jeans on my sides and back. She was not nasty at all: she just thought it to be ugly and potentially embarassing for me to ackowledge so she rather let me know so that I can take measure. I replied her laughing that I also do not like them, but that they are there.

Well, no more. So this is the plan:

1-STOP going like a yo-yo of ups and downs 2 kilos. Such a WASTE OF TIME!!!
2- for ONE WEEK, no carbs. Staple days of carrots and chick peas three times a day. Occasional diversion must be no carb as well.
3-restart exercising this week, with a possible trip to the swimming pool.
4-STAY ON TRACK!

MAy the allminghty yo-yo of luck help me! Wish me well, I need it!

I m BAAAACCCCKKKKK!

Ok, I confess I have not on vacation the entire time. But I have been busy with a pile of other junk (literally).

After being away for 10 days, I return home just to find my doggie unwell: he has a cronical tracheitist in need of daily medical treatment. This is a situation we usually have under tight control but while I was away, he took a steer path down. My family was worried and I was as well, while I was coming home anticipatedly to check on him. Right the day after I arrived, everybody left the house (we aternate vacation periods) and I wasn left with my doggie to take the best care of him. I am glad to say he recovered almost completely, which is a great thing.

While home alone, I have been trying to tidy up my mess: I like in a junkyard like space. I am like that, untidy to the bone when it comes to stuff. My clothes and shoes are perfect, my artist material is as well. But the little knick knacks I collect when travelling, I get as gifts or what not, usually lie in a pretty poor state: messy mountains of dusty stuff.

I am close to be done with tidying up all my belongings: I have ben working over 2 solid weeks to accomplish that!

And during all this time, I took a long, undeserved hiauts from dieting. I did not gain all that much: the scale soared back at 61 kg but I am sitting at 60 right now. Now I just need your help and my own motivation to walk again on the hard uphill path down...

I missed all of you! It's great to be back!

I have not given out lovely dieters!

No, no, I am still battling! The problem is I am travelling until almost the end of the month! ARGH!!!! Lots of fattening foods are coming my way! Argh!

Anyhow, trying to payins regular visits to health food shops and supermarkets. I will keep you posted!

Big Boy

... or actually big girl.
I have not posted because I have done so bad. Binging days in a row and I am now up to 59.0. Like every other week really. And now I have to fight to go down to my low 57.8 again. And once I get there, I get happy and relax. And I am back up to what? 59.0? 59.8? 60.8? Somewhere there.
No achievement is a real achievement.
And every day promising to be a new day is never a new day: I tried to make the last 3 or 4 new starting days for my good habits and failed. And in the meanwhile I collected two bad new terrible addictions (vegan chocolate cookies (European cookies, not American cookies: luckily the difference is at my advantage, but still. I hate American cookies luckily, nor that I would be able to buy them here or anything) and morning dry bread (other Euro thing the NA readers would not really understand: sorry folks) with margarine and salt).

How frustrating. How guilty. How gratifying to dive in those cookies in soy milk...

Oh Dorothy, my new incarnation, please make me dance in your red Oz magical shoes until I weight only 50 kilograms....



P.S. I am serious now. No smile on my face. No mockery meant. At all.
Big Boy was SHAMEFULLY dropped on Nagasaki exactly 61 years ago. A totally useless attack on an already won country, on a kneeling city, on harmless civilians. And only three days later another prettily named bomb was dropped on Hiroshima. 214,000 killed in two single days.
This is the real shame of the 20th century. Do remember. Do feel guitly. You are.

How much did I loose this week?

Joyful joyful! This week has been spectacularly good!
For once it is the first day of the month and yes, I have not reached my meager goal once again, but I do not feel bad at all!
Last monday I was weighting a whopping 60.8 kg. Today, 7 days later, I am stylistly down to my lowest ever!
Basically three kilos gone in one week! I have been a GOOOOOOD girl! And it has paid back!
Guess what? I have been super motivated for a week and still am. I bet tomorrow I will have broken my barrier: no success binging!
And with this result I am not down anymore about the fact that this month there is just a net loss of half a pound or 0.2 kg. I lost 3 kilos in a week and that is enough to make me SMILE!
I know it is mostly water gain and loss, but I don't care: it's a miracle and I did it! Usually I tend to fail on goals but this time... I did it! It was my ultimate goal to reach my lowest ever in one week and despite the three kilos... I managed! I was a bit suprised of the success this morning actually: could almost not believe it!

YEAH!